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The Disillusioned

by Damilola Oguntunde

Good morning Friend,

I trust you had a great weekend. Today by God’s Grace, we shall continue on the series we started last week on “Relationship Sacred Cows You Must Kill”.

The first sacred cow that was killed was “We can’t date cos we’re too close”. I’ll like to call those with these mindsets Friendzone Addicts… *Smiles*. If you haven’t read that, you totally should.

Today we will be sharing on those I call “The Disillusioned”. These ones believe that the more issues they have in their relationship, the closer they get and the deeper their love grows.

This sacred cow has ruined too many relationships and marriages. People have heard it so long that it has been ingrained in their mindsets and now it is causing quite some damage to their relationships. The devil is the one propagating such a belief because he wants couples to begin to have some tolerance for misunderstandings and conflicts so that he will come in through those cracks and destroy the relationship.

By the time he gets you to believe that the more the issues, the deeper the love, you cease to try to avoid issues, even if you don’t like them when they happen, you placate yourself with this faulty thinking that “oh well, the more our issues, the more we grow in love”. You begin to sort of see it as the positive side of the issues you’re having. C’mon friend, can’t you see the image of the enemy all over that mindset?

The elements that make love grow deeper and stronger are Understanding, Selflessness, Forgiveness, Openness, Sincerity and Commitment and definitely not misunderstanding, anger, selfishness, secrecy, strife and bitterness.

The sad part is that a lot of ladies have died in very abusive relationships because they kept themselves in it until they were wasted by some guy who had lost respect, value and love for them. They kept telling themselves “he beats me cos he loves me and is passionate about me, his outrageous jealousy for me is because he can’t afford to see me with someone else, he loves me too much to be without me…”

Please never be caught in such a web of an abusive relationship. Be not deceived… Guys also get abused in relationships. Especially when the lady knows the guy is completely sealed in love with her, then she begins to abuse the privileges of love showered on her. The emphasis here though is for you to not be deceived into thinking that the more the intense issues you have, the stronger your love becomes. It’s a lie from the pit of hell. It will keep destroying the very fabric of the relationship as long as it is tolerated and condoned until it completely annihilates such a relationship.

Am I saying you won’t have issues in relationships? Definitely not. We are imperfect in our frame and are products of diverging cultures and upbringing. There will definitely be conflicts and friction of opinions and mindsets between couples but the fact that there is an issue doesn’t automatically translate to mean that it will make the relationship stronger. It is Understanding and Selflessness on the part of the parties involved that will make the issues properly handled in love. When a couple determines to follow the outline of love and harmony in The Word of God and renew their minds to such, they will see better days of absolute serenity and calm in their relationships.

Ephesians 4:32 (KJV)
Let all bitterness, and wrath, and anger, and clamour, and evil speaking, be put away from you, with all malice:

32 And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ’s sake hath forgiven you.

Don’t permit what you cannot handle. Stop breeding a toxic mindset while using medication. God wants you well. God wants harmony between couples.

The trinity are yet to have their first argument, We have no recorded conflict between Abraham and Sarah, Joseph and Mary had such a cordial relationship even before they got married that God trusted both of them to willingly submit to one another in receiving instructions for the welfare of Jesus; The God-man. These are our examples of unity in relationships and not those who emphasise issues as the bedrock of love and solidity in relationships.

Yes God can make all things work together when issues arise, but these things only work together when the parties submit to God’s excellent way and stop breeding relationship-damaging mindsets.

Stop insisting on your own ways, look out for how to be a blessing to your spouse, try to see things from her perspective, don’t mind being second in priority, determine to love him like noone else ever can compete with, create an atmosphere of grace, understanding and absolute peace. It is possible to be in a relationship that is void of sustained conflicts and issues.

I hope this has helped and blessed someone. In our next post we will talk about the Love Contractor…

Have a beautiful week ahead. Godbless your heart. I love you.

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Tochukwu February 24, 2018 - 7:20 pm

Love you too sir…thanks for the word

Damilola February 26, 2018 - 7:56 am

*smiles* You’re welcome Bro… God bless your heart.


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